if i had my child to raise all over again…

March 10, 2012


I found the following quote on the PSYCHALIVE website, and just had to share …

“If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later. I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I’d take more hikes and fly more kites. I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I’d do more hugging and less tugging.”

– Diane Loomans

Image source: http://www.14gaam.com/uttarayan-kite-flying.htm


About hakea

groupworker, parent educator, therapist, mother of three boys.

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6 Comments on “if i had my child to raise all over again…”

  1. Karyn @ kloppenmum Says:

    …but on the other hand I wouldn’t be who I am now (someone I really like) if I hadn’t learned the hard way.


  2. Rosie Says:

    oh god, its hard to read stuff like that, if you have had difficult experiences with your family and kids…. I would choose a better partner and really get myself into better shape before I started on that path I think! but realistically –

    I would take the time and effort to give them clearer boundaries, and do more healing myself, as I brought them up. Be the parent I wished I’d had, but then thats what I thought i was doing, and I was to a fair degree recreating patterns that I had lived with. Oh boy… but to take more of a mindful perspective, we are in the place we are meant to be, and we are ok, with all our imperfections, all the things that make us, yes, the people we are.


    • hakea Says:

      Hi Rosie

      Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. All parents carry guilt, and this passage may be easier to read if you are in the thick of raising kids and able to make changes rather than looking back.

      It’s in a similar style to the passage “If I had my life to live over again…”

      The parent groups I run are for parents of children aged 2 to 12 years. I once had a parent come who had adult children because she wanted to know in her words “where she went wrong”. In one session she asked me “is it too late?” I replied “no, it’s never too late to repair the relationship with your children, they’ve only ever wanted to belong”. So, she wrote her children a letter, and started on the slow journey to reparation and connection.

      Almost everything I write or present on this blog is a representation of my current reflections, my journey in a life of living and working with kids.

      Warm wishes


  3. eof737 Says:

    We did our best and the rest is theirs to build… but I hear you! 😉


    • hakea Says:

      Hi Eliz

      All parents do their best with what they have been given.

      One of the foster carers I used to work with, who was non-judgemental, open, and caring towards the birth parents of her foster children would say “there but for the grace of God go I”.


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